Coach Joi 
A phrase we hear often from the so-called “addiction recovery” community is that these men “struggle with porn.” This is one of the worst excuses used for the consumption and betrayal of human beings. Men regurgitate this lame excuse to their wives, pastors, therapists and others to garner empathy for the difficulty of making the … Read more
A Different Kind of Grief Earlier this week I heard Dr. Ramani talk about “grieving living people” (2024). This is a great topic to unpack alongside the model of “Targeted Partner Abuse©” Understanding Grief One great definition of grief is “a response to the loss of something significant.” We might interject this definition. “the false/misrepresentation … Read more
Why abusive men should focus on correction not fixing During the many years of working with this population, there is a common theme that emerges as I begin my work with men who use “Targeted Partner Abuse©” – I call the “Fixer Phenomenon©.” Correcting Abuse Starts with Ownership Correcting abuse is a very doable action. … Read more
Or better said, know your brain – know your life! This might be a bit of a risk to quote (and then tear apart) well-known and well-liked psychology theories. To ensure the right preface is in place, let me begin with the caveat, I write from an informed and trained point of view. I’m sure … Read more
Staying safe when you aren’t ready to separate or when you are trying to leave Being in a marriage with a husband who uses “Targeted Partner Abuse©” causes so much distress. What is also distressful is figuring out whether to stay or if there is a way to leave safely. In this edition, we’ll talk … Read more
The Never Ending Debate Over Words with an Abuser Word Wars As a classroom teacher, therapist and a human being in the social world, I’ve spent years studying etymology. Words are the vehicle of communication and understanding. Words are capital in many forums and platforms in our society. Given that words mean different things to … Read more
Why Victims Cannot Safely be the Victim Some time back we posted a blog about The Good Man Narrative. In that post we discussed the way men who use “Targeted Partner Abuse©” protect their narrative with their collusion group. In this edition we add to that discussion with the abuse tactic of “Making the Victim … Read more
There are a lot of things abusive men do that can be baffling. The statement, “I didn’t intend to hurt you” is one of the more baffling and dysregulating abuse excuses. Let’s talk about this. Define INTEN’TIONAL, adjective Intended; designed; done with design or purpose. This is the perfect definition for what we experience when … Read more
Did you get married thinking the man you loved would care for you, treat you right and fair, build a life with you where you would navigate life together? Was there a rude awakening to that dream where you soon discovered you were married to the king in his counting house and everything that came … Read more
If you missed the latest Live on Instagram, this recap on the so-called “therapeutic facilitated disclosure” nightmare, may be of interest to you. Warning Statement If you have participated in a “Therapeutic Facilitated Disclosure” that was successful, please do not shoot the messenger. We have worked in this field for decades. We’ve watched the trends … Read more
