Why Your Intention Does Not Matter

An Addition to the Post “Let’s Talk About Intention”

If you have ever been told a version of, “I didn’t mean for you to take it that way,” or “I didn’t mean for that to happen,” you need to read this post. These types of comments are abusive.

Let’s set this record straight right here at the beginning – your intention does NOT matter – impact matters. 

No matter how often you say you did not mean to do something – the fact that you did, coupled with the fact that there was harm or discomfort to another person – needs your focus. Pleading your cause for intention only serves your interests. The impact on the other person and your responsibility for that impact should matter more than whatever it was you “intended.”

Words Matter

Human beings are social creatures that depend upon one another for central nervous system regulation. Human beings need other human beings to maintain their physical well-being. When words are hurled at one another in meanness, they damage the central nervous system of the receiver. In contrast, kind words spoken or written can soothe and comfort an injured or activated central nervous system.

We have a social stewardship to speak well and with care to and about other human beings.

Incendiary Language – Social Sarcasm – Stochastic Terrorism

Maybe it is just me, but for years I’ve watched the social tone people take with one another become even more incendiary. The type of social sarcasm on various platforms has ramped up over the years. The stochastic terroristic comments indicate a complete lack of social grace. It is as if people feel compelled to share their contempt for the thoughts and opinions others put on their page or channel with reckless abandon.

Why? If the comment bothers you – move on. Delete. Scroll. There’s no need to belittle the author. 

This has been the case with written op-eds for years — all in the name of “free speech.” But at what cost? Our interpersonal relationships are no different.  This is where the problem becomes a critical social epidemic.

“Targeted Verbal Abuse©”

“Targeted Partner Abuse©” takes on many forms. The one common theme is that it is a violent act targeted by the husband to the wife. It is intentional. It is unilateral. In most cases, it is private so that the abuser’s reputation can be managed. 

In its verbal form – it is a type of cruelty that has no bounds. The deliverer of this type of abuse cares nothing for the outcome or impact. This type of abuser does not typically bother with the aforementioned phrases of intent. He knows the mark he means to strike. He does so with direct blows.

Scientific Evidence of the Impact of Verbal Abuse

When you share a home and life with one who uses words as weapons, especially when there is a constant barrage of them targeted at you – the impact can be grave, harming the brain. The studies are clear on this – ongoing targeted verbal abuse has a higher likelihood of causing physical illness. 

Studies testing candidates across multiple social spectrums show that ongoing verbal aggression injures the human brain. For good or for harm – our brains are impacted by the brains, words, and actions of the other humans around us.

Be mindful of the impact your words have on others.

Regardless of what you intend  – the impact matters. 

Choose wisely what you say to the people around you. Whether in person or on social media. Words matter!

Abuse Semantics and Targeted Public Slander©

If you have been around Center for Peace for any length of time, you may know how important the topic of words is to me. Some months back I wrote a post on this topic, entitled Abuse Semantics. In this post, I addressed the ways abusers attempt to conceal their abuse with words or phrases that demean, twist, or hide facts. 

Another, similar topic entitled, “Targeted Public Slander©” addressed the public smear campaigns that wives of men using “Targeted Partner Abuse©” may experience when public incendiary language is used to control or quiet a victim publicly. 

This is a critical concern to me and to the clients who experience verbal abuse. I’m sure this conversation will continue in future posts. Feel free to delete or scroll if you’ve heard enough of me on this topic.

If you need help with this concern in your marriage, reach out to us at www.cenfp.org.