The Purpose of Pain

A Thought Exercise from a Victim of Targeted Partner Abuse© Writing about this topic is a bit bold and maybe more presumptive an exercise than I should undertake. That said, I also believe it might be instructive and helpful to many of the victims of targeted partner abuse©. As a social scientist I read the … Read more

Why is it so Difficult to Talk to Your Abusive Husband?

Attempting to have a conversation with an abusive husband can be incredibly painful. What kind of heart does a man have who verbally berates his wife, or is dismissive of her or discounts her feelings? When there is an on-going pattern of problematic communication, it is important to consider a few factors. If conversations are … Read more

What Do We Do With All This Shame?

Breaking Down Shame and Guilt in a Healthy Way Let’s start this blog out with the acknowledgement that this is a tricky topic. It’s a topic that has been talked about in multiple forums. Like all constructs – let’s have grace for all of our different subjective positions on this issue. By way of clarification, … Read more

We Aren’t Sick – We Don’t Need Healing

Maybe this is just my obdurate nature, but the idea that I’m unwell because of my husband’s sexual deviancy seriously bugs me. As an etymologist who believes words matter, I’ve spent years studying words to determine accurate descriptors of the behaviors of men who abuse sexually, emotionally, psychologically, etc. With the same tenacity, I want … Read more

Blame, Fault and Responsibility

How often have you had conversations with your husband hoping to get him to understand how you feel? How often did you feel dismissed in those conversations? Did he tell you he didn’t want to argue or fight with you? Did he say something about your past trauma? Regardless of what your husband said regarding … Read more

The Truth About Center for Peace

Myths and Facts Center for Peace is a life changing experience that is different from any other program. Over the years this program has helped countless clients learn to live a life of peace and safety. Leading this endeavor, it is not surprising to encounter a lot of resistance when the theories are not what … Read more

Letting Go of the Term “Trauma Bonded”

Correcting the Victim Blaming Terminology Moving away from terminology fostered in the addiction recovery community is the only way we will be able to establish truth and find peace in our lives as abused women.  Correct terminology is critical for professionals in this field. Wives of abusive men deserve the truth. Abusers need to hear … Read more

Blame it on the Trauma

Have you ever heard your husband say he just needs to be patient until you get past the trauma?  What about all of the magnanimous gestures he makes to “help you heal” as though he’s been given some rescuer assignment to get you past the trauma? I ask these questions in all seriousness (though I … Read more

What is all the Emphasis on Forgiveness?

Have you been told you need to forgive, or worse, accused of not being forgiving enough? It is almost as if there is a demanded expectation for wives to forgive abusive husbands of their egregious behaviors.  Where does all of this come from? It isn’t just from the men who have a faith tradition. Nearly … Read more

The Good Man Narrative

If you live with a man who is constantly pushing his “I’m a good man” narrative — and you’ve about had it — you’ll want to read this post. Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet … Read more