Speaking Against the Grain

The Myths of the Common “He’s a Narcissist” Claim

When you treat or teach against the grain of the common mindset in mental health, regardless of the level of care or treatment potential, from the psychologist level to social media influencer,  going against the grain can be costly. 

I spent my career researching to weed my way through the academic and social psycho-trash to help my clients understand themselves and their life experiences from a place of truth and not all the junk science that has become so popular. 

This article is another of Center for Peace‘s against-the-grain articles.

The Crazy Social Push on Narcissism – The Myths

You might find it crazy to learn that there are almost as many programs for mental health workers as there are workers in the field. We do not have a standard of practice in this field, and worse, despite the current science, many academic textbooks are full of faulty information that counseling students do not question when taught.

Within the discipline of narcissism, this is an even bigger problem. Let’s look at a few of the myths on this topic.

• Childhood abuse (verbal, sexual, physical) results in people becoming narcissistic as adults
• Childhood neglect results in adult narcissism
• Childhood privilege, coddling, and over-providing result in adult narcissism
• Absent parent, father, or mother can cause narcissism to show up in adulthood
• Narcissism is the result of assertive, aggressive, or cruel parenting
• Social and environmental factors such as isolation, and bullying cause narcissism
• Narcissism is generational or passed from parent to child
• Children who are raised in loving homes do not become narcissists
• Children with severe trauma issues will become narcissistic in adulthood
• Teenagers with aggressive hormone levels are narcissistic
• Narcissism is the outcome of an individual with low self-esteem. Thus they can become healthy when they improve their self-esteem
• Traits of narcissism have a parental determining factor (i.e. taught to or caused by the parent)
• Narcissists are highly skilled manipulators
• We all have some narcissistic trait
• Narcissism is a pathology like anti-social personality
• Narcissism is the result of trauma or trauma-related disorders 
• Narcissism is a lack of loving, stable, attached relationships (childhood or adult)

Unfortunately, it will take more than 50 years to correct the psycho-trash on narcissism, replacing it with empirical data. It will take even longer to correct the social belief systems and the academic texts that incorrectly foster misinformation supporting these myths.

Origins of the Study of Narcissism

Narcissism is a reference from Greek mythology, unlike other so-called mental health issues, this particular condition (a term loosely applied here) has its genesis outside of the field of practice of psychology.

As a descriptor, narcissism is based on the character of one who prefers his image over a potential relationship with another human being. It isn’t a huge stretch for philosophy and psychology to intersect at certain points. However, we have exacerbated this potential metaphor into a massive social ill without any correlative context from science, particularly biology or neurosciences.

Anecdotal Data and Conjecture

The assumptions posited in the field of psychology regarding narcissism have come from speculative rather than empirical studies, with the majority of these so-called explanations resulting from inferior childhood experiences. Many of these premises were based on self-report, which should still be questioned for accuracy. Additionally, a clinical assumption of such a report without reports of others involved in the experience makes for a biased and one-sided picture of the story. Anecdotes are not scientific evidence.

The DSM manual is the result of an effort to mitigate and more effectively treat individuals in ways that do not solely rely on patient self-reported stories. Like many attempts to correct or help regulate the field, this manual is more of an over-correction. Far too many misdiagnoses are given than accurate clinical assessments of human experiences or actual disorders. 

In the discipline where Center for Peace serves, the reference to narcissism is not used. We view this as a descriptor, not as a pathology or diagnostic. The term has become a pejorative for bad parenting or spousing. Misinformed clients and improperly trained clinicians collude on points of subjectivity that can result in great harm.

Message:

Please take great care with the use of popular societal terminology even when popular names support these terms. Great harm can (and has) happened when culture grabs at behavior labels,  running with them to explain difficult human interactions.

“Targeted Partner Abuse©”

“At Center for Peace, we coined the term, “Targeted Partner Abuse©” as a reference to a particular pattern of behavior that is specific to and occurs in an intimate relationship. This behavior has specific patterns and repeated presentations, reflective of misuse of power, dominance of male pattern thinking, exploitativeness, and other harm-causing actions executed by the husband and directed at the wife. These patterns more often than not also include sexual infidelity coupled with lies, secret-keeping, and anger outbursts once discovered. 

All of the behaviors listed above and those that are often articulated in narratives about narcissism can be seen in this population of abusers. A critical difference is that these behaviors are isolated in scope and vary in severity and intensity by the abuser’s depth of abuse. These behaviors are not global – meaning there is no presentation of abuse in other relationships or conditions (work, church, etc.)” (CFP, 2024).

A Final Thought

If you are experiencing “Targeted Partner Abuse©” or you want to understand this human condition more, please schedule a session with a Center for Peace coach.

If you are a husband targeting your wife, please join the year-long program to learn what relational integrity and fidelity truly mean. 

The truth and the way are available at www.cenfp.org.