Coach Joi 
Wishing You Peace this Holiday and Safety in the New Year This time of year can be filled with both difficult and wonderful memories. Maybe they are from your childhood experiences or from living with someone who abused and sabotaged holidays. Is your story about how hard you worked to pull off the holidays only … Read more
Breaking down the myths on the terms used to blame victims It is not uncommon for beliefs to take deep root in our social stories to the point that these ideas become difficult to rectify. For example, it was long believed the Earth is the center of the universe and all celestial bodies orbit around … Read more
An Addition to the Post “Let’s Talk About Intention” If you have ever been told a version of, “I didn’t mean for you to take it that way,” or “I didn’t mean for that to happen,” you need to read this post. These types of comments are abusive. Let’s set this record straight right here … Read more
The Myths of the Common “He’s a Narcissist” Claim When you treat or teach against the grain of the common mindset in mental health, regardless of the level of care or treatment potential, from the psychologist level to social media influencer, going against the grain can be costly. I spent my career researching to weed … Read more
In the past few weeks, a major event occurred that changed the trajectory of my life, and my family’s. We are not an anomaly. Life happens to all of us, but when we are already compromised by “Targeted Partner Abuse©,” navigating the curveballs can be an additional burden to bear. In this edition let’s talk … Read more
A phrase we hear often from the so-called “addiction recovery” community is that these men “struggle with porn.” This is one of the worst excuses used for the consumption and betrayal of human beings. Men regurgitate this lame excuse to their wives, pastors, therapists and others to garner empathy for the difficulty of making the … Read more
A Different Kind of Grief Earlier this week I heard Dr. Ramani talk about “grieving living people” (2024). This is a great topic to unpack alongside the model of “Targeted Partner Abuse©” Understanding Grief One great definition of grief is “a response to the loss of something significant.” We might interject this definition. “the false/misrepresentation … Read more
Why abusive men should focus on correction not fixing During the many years of working with this population, there is a common theme that emerges as I begin my work with men who use “Targeted Partner Abuse©” – I call the “Fixer Phenomenon©.” Correcting Abuse Starts with Ownership Correcting abuse is a very doable action. … Read more
Or better said, know your brain – know your life! This might be a bit of a risk to quote (and then tear apart) well-known and well-liked psychology theories. To ensure the right preface is in place, let me begin with the caveat, I write from an informed and trained point of view. I’m sure … Read more
Staying safe when you aren’t ready to separate or when you are trying to leave Being in a marriage with a husband who uses “Targeted Partner Abuse©” causes so much distress. What is also distressful is figuring out whether to stay or if there is a way to leave safely. In this edition, we’ll talk … Read more
