Coach Joi 
When there is no place for your voice Many women experience a type of abuse that centers around the proverbial ‘communication problem’. In these marriages, there may or may not be the other elements of power and control where abuse involves financial control, parenting control, personal autonomy issues, or sexual betrayal. What is present is … Read more
For decades, we’ve been taught that therapy is the primary—if not the only—path to healing when life becomes overwhelming. Whether we’re struggling with destructive coping patterns like substance use, compulsive behaviors, or the ripple effects these issues create within a marriage or family, the common message is clear: Go to therapy, and that will fix … Read more
If there is one comment shared with me by the wives I work with more than others, it is that the lies are more difficult to deal with than other pattern of behavior. Lies destroy so much. Lies, like so many other ideas and theories in mental health, we’ve whittled down their meanings with clever … Read more
Abusers Weaponize Everything and Anything Weaponizing is exploitation. It is the manipulation of anything and everything an abuser can use to get to the objective he is after. Since there are so many ways victims may experience a weaponized tactic, let’s talk through a few. Incompetence and Capability Most of us will experience the weaponization … Read more
About Empathy This week’s blog comes to you as a result of a social media post we saw on narcissism. The main point of that post was about empathy. The post started OK, until they got to this point, “…empathy is a capacity you either possess or you don’t…” Those of you who know us … Read more
It’s been a minute since we addressed the elephant in the room, PORNOGRAPHY. This behavior has a deep hold on our society and on the way that men view and treat women. This is a long, overdue post. Some of the content in this post should by now be common knowledge. We will raise a … Read more
In this week’s blog, we’ll unpack some of the lame excuses and narratives we often hear as justification for abusive thinking. One point we want to clarify is this: in recent years, people helpers have flooded social media. With them come all of the various iterations of terms that explain abuse; most common, of course, … Read more
How to understand some of the tactics and conditions of these conversations When interacting with an abusive husband, trying to have a peaceful conversation stretches us beyond measure. We learn how to speak differently with them, while also attempting to protect our values and honor our own dignity. It takes tenacity and some painful learning … Read more
Asking the question, ‘Why are we giving our agency to these systems?’ Part I In last week’s blog, we briefly discussed the topic of socially constructed meaning. In this post, we’ll broaden that topic further, in the hopes that we can bring a better understanding to the role of clinical care, particularly for those who … Read more
Breaking down the myths and false narratives Over the decades I’ve worked in this field, the terms we use have changed or adjusted as professionals have built programs to promote their beliefs about male sexual dishonesty. Whether we are talking about pornography “addiction,” deceptive or compulsive sexuality, the words and explanations we use matter. Now, … Read more
