Why Center for Peace Does Not Recommend a Facilitated Disclosure

If you missed the latest Live on Instagram, this recap on the so-called “therapeutic facilitated disclosure” nightmare, may be of interest to you.

Warning Statement

If you have participated in a “Therapeutic Facilitated Disclosure” that was successful, please do not shoot the messenger. We have worked in this field for decades. We’ve watched the trends move through the various treatment protocols enough to know what has been promoted by the clinical professionals and the various camps in the so-called recovery community. As such, we have seen enough evidence of harm to have an informed position on this topic.

What is a Therapeutic Facilitated Disclosure (“FTD”)?

An FTD is a document created by an abuser/offender with his therapist to help construct a history of the sexual betrayals. The details vary, depending on the therapist’s recommendations on what should be included. The timeline for this construction also varies, meaning that a victim can be left in limbo for quite some time without any say. 

Once the information has been written out, a session is held with the victim to read to her the contents of the sexual disclosure. Depending on the arrangements made, the wife’s therapist may attend, or if this is being conducted by a therapist the couple sees, there is only one representing counselor.

What is Included in the FTD?

Here’s where things can get a bit dicey as the treatment professional represents the abuser, not the victim or the marriage. He/she often makes recommendations without any consideration of impact experienced by the victim. It is not uncommon for the therapist to recommend not relating certain details to “protect the victim’s feelings.”

What should be included is a full and complete timeline of the abuser’s sexual history, including all activity prior to the marriage. There are many abusers and therapists that push back on this idea. Without a full history, patterns cannot be tracked properly. 

In addition to the historical timeline, it is appropriate for the abuser to answer specific questions requested by the victim. I have addressed this request with several therapists who push back, stating that the information will either “be too painful for the wife,” or that they do not do that in their office.

Can you see the power/control and collusion between the perpetrator and the therapist?

Statistically Overly Positive Results

A quick review of “doctor google” shows that you can see very positive statistics for satisfaction with disclosures. This is not our experience at CFP. In fact, report after report by my clients over many years revealed many iterations of the following disturbing results.

• Information was chosen by the abuser’s therapist
• Questions requested by the wife were ignored
• Previously known information withheld or altered significantly
• Experience often confrontational on the part of the abuser’s therapeutic representation
• Difficulty with making the conditions safe for the victim
• Unreasonableness with length of preparation time – resulting in additional distress for the already hurting victim
• Extremely costly due to length of preparation time

I could add so much more to this list, but this is enough to show that the experiences are not always as pleasant and “successful” as presented online.

A Center for Peace Perspective

Purpose of FTD: A request for disclosure bears the expectation that this document will provide the whole truth of what has happened in secret, behind the wife’s back. Additionally, all questions will be answered with sufficient details for this wife. Each wife is different and there is no standard protocol for what can/should be asked.

The Role of the Therapist: The therapist’s job is to guide the abuser to the truth. Any collusion with the abuser should be viewed as willingly deceiving the client’s wife. A therapist who will not do his/her due diligence to bring all the information forward should not (in this therapist’s opinion) conduct disclosures as this is considered therapeutic abuse to the victim. A therapist should never encourage the abuser to withhold details of any type or degree. A colluded clinical effort to deceive and withhold will make matters exponentially worse.

An Alternative Process

At Center for Peace, we offer an alternative process for creating a disclosure that has proven to be safer and more respectful for the victim. The process does not involve waiting months for the information to be collected from the perpetrator. It does not require her to sit in a cold, clinical office – this sometimes being the therapy office of the abuser and his collusive therapist – where she potentially undergoes another abusive event if the information is withheld. 

If you are interested in working with one of our trained abuse specialists for this process, please schedule an individual session on our website

Polygraphs

A polygraph has been recommended as part of the FTD process by therapists and the so-called addiction community for some time. At Center for Peace, we strongly discourage this process. Abusive men have a history of telling lies and withholding details of their sexual betrayal. Many of my clients’ tests resulted in false/passed examinations. These men have used those documents to continue to abuse their wives. 

Until the polygraph association is willing to work with Certified Abuse Specialists and the abuse model, we will continue to view polygraphs as causing more harm than help when attempting to ascertain the truth from an abuser.

A Few Final Thoughts

It is the position of Center for Peace that a disclosure should never be considered anything but a “full” disclosure. Betrayed wives are not interested in word games regarding the title, process, or what is expected to be received from the process. 

The length of time must be reflective of the harm already felt. Many women spend months in deep distress at the discovery of their husband’s betrayal. To require the abused wife to wait for an undisclosed time for this process to be written out, culled, parsed, clipped, and re-drafted, is abuse. Full stop!

Anything but complete, honest, transparent truth defeats the purpose of a disclosure. If a therapist encourages withholding, this should be seen as therapeutic abuse. It should call into question the ethics of that therapist to not ensure they have asked enough questions of the abuser to tell the truth.  *In our experience, an abuser will tell only as much as they think they can get away with. Abusive men have a historical pattern of lying. Clinicians who do not expect to be lied to should consider not working in this field. 

The behaviors of a sexually unfaithful husband leave serious, deep wounds on the wife. If he is unwilling to put all it takes into this disclosure, it would be better for the disclosure not to happen than to inflict more abuse on his wife.

If you have been the abuser and would like help with this process, schedule a session at Center for Peace.