The Latest in Targeted Weaponization©

“Semantic Abuse”

You know an issue is important when we develop multiple terms for the same problem. In the field of “Targeted Partner Abuse©” or Coercive Control, this is particularly applicable.

We have so many terms for abuse and the various abusive actions executed by men who target abuse on their spouse. In this week’s post, let’s unpack, again, the popularizing term “Semantic Abuse.” 

If you missed my other posts on word weaponizing and narrative control, you can find them here, and here.

A Follower’s Comment

I recently had a gentleman reach out to me to let me know that he was a victim of his wife’s “semantic abuse.” According to his email, I am remiss in my instruction on semantic abuse and on the problem of women abusing men. 

To this follower, and to the many other men who struggle with all the literature indicating “Targeted Partner Abuse© and Coercive Control are, in fact, a men’s issue.

According to the Bureau of Statistics, the difference in male and female intimate partner victimization rates is significant at the 95% confidence level, with men being significantly more abusive and violent than women.

Language Manipulation or Semantic Manipulation

No matter what term we use for this practice, the use of language and a weaponized form of social interaction is a tactic of psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse. It is psychological warfare. It is a unilateral practice by one to control the narrative between two people. 

This practice is a form of gaslighting. It is intentional, calculated, and aimed at breaking the spirit and autonomy of the other party. There is no desire on the part of the abuser to negotiate or respect the dignity of the other party, typically the wife of the one being targeted by this abuse.

Tactic Types

The following are some practice tactics you may have experienced.

• Redefining the narrative/story of the event
• Concealing truth
• Twisting facts or details
• Erasing context
• Covering or minimizing abusive power dynamics
• Any act/word that would destabilize the victim
• Avoidance of any accountability for his words/actions

This is a small list of ways a semantic debate might be executed. These exchanges are not discussions, nor are they attempts to solve issues mutually. They are the practice of psychological and verbal abuse with the sole intent to quiet, put down, and gain the advantage over an intimate partner.

What Really Happens

We probably do not have to explain to any of you what happens during one of these exchanges with an abusive spouse. These terrifying and destructive events happen way too often. 

When a wife attempts to engage her husband either in a clarifying conversation about his behavior or explaining to him how that behavior makes her feel, the husband/abuser, hoping to avoid accountability, will deploy all his skills in this debate. The process is escalatory, meaning he typically starts with the least provoking, working up to his egregious tactics, often evolving character attacks on his wife for what she is saying to him.

No one Ever Thinks…

…that when a wife is talking about the hurt she feels at her husband’s betrayal, the pain did not come before the action of deception. Pain is an outcome of a preceding event. It’s not the cause. 

Gentlemen, consider the following

…if you hurt your wife, expect questions. Expect her to unpack what you did with language that you may not want to hear, but need to because of what you did. 

If you do not want to be questioned or challenged about your behavior and thinking, remove yourself from the relationship before you betray and abuse.

If you are angry, consider that your anger is displaced. As a perpetrator, your anger is a signal that you know you are wrong to cheat, lie, and abuse. It is her right to be angry with your actions. You hurt the person you said you loved, the woman you pursued and married. Do not be surprised that she has things to say about your abuse.

If you do not like to be challenged in your thinking, consider that being in a relationship requires this very skillset. You will never be in the power seat 100% of the time. You are required to serve and to sacrifice. Expectations of adult, partner-centered behavior are valid. If you are not up for the demands of marriage, do not propose to her.

Semantic Manipulation/Semantic Abusive Word Wars

…are the behaviors of men who do not, or won’t, have truth-based conversations with the person they abused. The manipulation is part of the power and control of the narrative by the abuser. It is not the position the wife holds fiercely to and won’t back down from, because doing so would be to accept the manipulation and lies of her betraying and abusive spouse. 

Semantic abuse is not the wife’s pushback against the abuser’s lies. 

Semantic abuse is not the unwillingness of the victim to be quiet when the abuser intimidates her or the children with the way he forces his position. This is psychological warfare, brainwashing.

Semantic abuse is not the typical kind of conversation held between a husband and wife, the kind that goes on for hours, because the wife cares that much and is desperate for her husband to care about her and stop hurting her. 

Semantic abuse is the language of men using “Targeted Partner Abuse©” and coercive control to DARVO, blame shift, and gaslight their wives. It is the essence of controlling the narrative. It is an insidious tactic.

Abusive men want to blame women for this tactic because doing so erases them from the context of the event. Abused women do not have these conversations by themselves. Moreover, abused wives do not have these conversations to abuse men – they have them to plead for them to stop!

Gentlemen, consider the language you use to argue with your wife about what you have done. The truth can be found in who is manipulating whom, and what the objective of those abusive lies is designed to achieve.

Help is Available

Join us in August for another year-long program. The way to correct abuse is to confront the egregious social patterns that men have adopted for decades to excuse the way they treat their wives. We can change these patterns.