The Truth About Center for Peace

Myths and Facts

Center for Peace is a life changing experience that is different from any other program. Over the years this program has helped countless clients learn to live a life of peace and safety. Leading this endeavor, it is not surprising to encounter a lot of resistance when the theories are not what has been used for decades in the so-called addiction recovery community.

In this post, we’ll take a look at some of the comments from those who have been vocal about what they think we do. 

Facts and Myths of Center for Peace

Myth #1 – Center for Peace doesn’t believe men can change

The Facts:  At Center for Peace, we respect the dignity and value of all human beings. We believe that behavioral change is an agentic act that only the individual human attempting change can ascertain. It is his or her human choice to live in the behavior patterns they chose to execute. However, it is not their right to make agentic choices for a spouse. For example, when the individual in question is acting against the will and well-being of the other party this is viewed as an abuse of human agency. 

The Center for Peace model helps men who commit sexually betraying behaviors take responsibility and ownership for their agentic actions and the impact of those acts upon others.

Myth #2 –  Intimate betrayal is a sin, addiction, or compulsion

The Facts:  At Center for Peace we view the assignment of labels as disrespectful to that human being. Behavior is examined through common terms, or concepts brought into the program by individual participants. These terms are worked out by the individual as they address their own behaviors. Most importantly, it is wholly inappropriate for any clinician, even a Christian counselor, to label an individual’s behavior a sin. This belongs solely to that individual and their ecclesiastical leader.

Myth #3 –  A Program is Only Reputable if it Has Guaranteed Results

The Facts: It is unethical to provide confidential results on subjective outcomes. Countless counseling outcome study reviews exist in the academic literature that address how to capture program effectiveness. What tends to be the most salient or remarkable about these studies is that there are often unreliable psychometric measurements used in these evaluations. Measurable instruments that are appropriate for statistical analysis from this type of question are often based on the subjectiveness of the individual client experience. 

As in any program, individuals who come to the program in earnest, willing to do the work, set aside resistance, and open up their minds to learn, often do very well. Those who approach a program half-heartedly or without any interest find less than desirable outcomes. Those results are not relative to program effectiveness, rather to individual effort. 

At Center for Peace, we are committed to the success of every client as determined agentically by that individual. We will offer our very best to ensure the safety of the wife and to help the offending husband see his wife as a human being whom he treats with appropriate dignity and respect.

Myth #4 –  Men don’t know what they are doing

The Facts: A man who engages in sexual behaviors outside of marriage keeps it a secret because he knows it is wrong. Men give themselves permission to go to whatever extreme they want or feel entitled, or take what they want from women, irrespective of her consent. These egregious acts are planned and executed in secret, with excessive lies such as, l“It’s not hurting her if she doesn’t know.” These choices are as pre-planned as the excuses used when caught. 

When sexual behaviors are kept secret by the agent decisions of one spouse, the act is not unknown by the executor of the behavior, however, it is unknown by the partner. Regardless of the perpetrator’s intention – this is excruciatingly painful to the one betrayed, causing a multitude of emotional, psychological and physical outcomes that are difficult to navigate when the behaviors are ongoing. Men absolutely know what they are doing!

Myth #5 –  Men are not intentionally hurting people with their betrayal 

The Facts: Women do not engage in a relationship with stupid men. Therefore, when men sexually betray their wife, expecting her to believe him when he says he didn’t mean to hurt her, it is insulting to her intelligence and to his. If you do not have an open relationship, with on-going consent to have sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever you choose, doing so is as intentional as it is hurtful. No one in their right mind believes men do not know this. What we wonder is – do you even care?  Because good men, who love their wives, do not intentionally cause this level of pain in another human being. They do not betray their wives, then lie to cover it up, act like the victim when discovered, and collude with others to get ahead of the lie to protect their image.

Myth #6 – Center for Peace is tearing up marriages 

The Facts: What is tearing up marriages are the lies, deception, and behavioral secret-keeping that is hidden for years, often decades from the innocent partner. Power and control differentials in the relationship that put one partner above the other tear up marriages. Likewise, marriages are destroyed when a betraying husband repeatedly blames his behavior on his wife. Or worse, minimizes the physical or emotional responses to his behavior that his wife experiences. The real problem is his sexual deviancy, anger, lies, and other harm-producing behaviors we view as abusive.

In addition, when women contract STDs/STIs from an unfaithful partner, or when a husband has saturated his sexual interests in the content found in pornography, taking these degrading and dehumanizing acts into the bedroom with the expectation that his wife willing perform for him – this will ruin a marriage! 

What ruins a marriage is not the addressing of harmful behaviors, using terminology that fits with the victim’s experience, but expecting an abused and critically betrayed wife to cater to HIS feelings while ignoring HIS behavior.
When men find it difficult to accept their wife’s anger and hurt, or when they get upset when she executes a boundary to protect herself from the harm he is causing. These discomforts often result in the perpetrators ramping up the harmful behavior, or worse, accusing wives of being the problem. These attitudes, expectations and exploitative privileges are the direct result of ruined marriages – not Center for Peace or the program offered. For additional information read the recent post “Blame it on the Trauma.”

Myth #7 – Sex Addiction is the Best and Only Model 

The Facts: Having worked in this field for decades, Center for Peace is well aware of the lack of solid behavioral correction using the addiction model. We experienced the blame from other therapists. We have also been told that we need to support husbands when they slip/relapse – which is basically saying, we need to be OK with the abuse.

At Center for Peace we believe words matter. Using proper terminology in all behavioral science fields is important – especially if we are treating patients. “Sex addiction” or “Compulsive Sexuality” are NOT clinically proven. There has never been a consensus on the best treatment or the correct language for the behaviors exhibited by men who consume pornography, or engage in deviant sexual acts in stripclubs, massage parlors, hook-up sites, etc.

When there isn’t an agreement or accepted treatment, it is critical as clinicians that we clearly explain this to individuals who seek our help. At Center for Peace, we have a proven process based on decades of grounded research in this field to help men agentically choose to correct their thinking and their behavior, learn to  see value in all humanity, and move from men of abuse to men of peace, honor and integrity.

Myth #8 – Center for Peace is Not Christian Enough

The facts: Coach Joi is a masters level Christian professional counselor with a conferred degree from a Christian university. Center for Peace is not a religious institution. We enjoy walking alongside our many clients in their various faith traditions.

A Few More Facts

The problem with the sex addiction model is that it is decades old, based on older data desperately in need of being brought into a current understanding of the behavioral  problem. Additionally, the older model egregiously neglects a critical data point – there are wives and children impacted severely by the behavior. Men who abuse their spouse often self-diagnose themselves as “addicts” in an attempt to minimize the ownership of their own egregious treatment of their wife. Women are injured, abused and blamed for their partner’s behavior when they had no idea the behaviors were occurring in the first place.

The following points can be easily found on the Internet with a search on “is sex addiction a real thing?”

  1. “…according to research, 64% of ‘sex addicts’ with at least 5 years in recovery reported …had a significant slip or relapse, in many cases well after the first year or two.”
  2.  “…‘sex addiction’ is not even real. It is not a condition that is recognized by any scientific or medical community, including the World Health Organisation. Indeed, the term was even removed from the DSM-V by the American Psychiatric Association along with the term hypersexuality”.
  3. “… when UCLA researchers studied the response to viewing sexually explicit images in people who self-defined as being unable to regulate their porn viewing, the results showed no similar response in either brain measure “(Steele, Staley, Fong, & Prause, 2013; Prause, Steele, Sabatinelli, & Hajcak, 2015).
  4.  “Silva Neves, a psychotherapist specializing in sexology, explains that “those impulsive behaviors have to be unwanted by the person, not by an external source of judgment. The behaviors have to cause marked distress and impairment in people’s life functioning”
  5. Watch these videos if you want authoritative input on the topic
    1. Sex addiction is not clinically proven
    2. Why there is no such thing as sex addiction
    3. The Myth of Sex Addiction
    4. Revisiting “Sex Addiction” with Dr. Coleman

Speaking About a Topic You Know Nothing About

If you do not have direct experience with a clinician, or if the program in question is using a new or unfamiliar approach, it does not mean that program is ineffective. It means it is different from what you do. The type of comments shared in the myths above are what we call Competition Misinformation Malignment© – they do not reflect the truth, or the lived experiences of our clients.

Mental health counseling professionals genuinely care about the work they do and the people who seek help from them. That same regard should be afforded all in the community regardless of whether their theoretical constructs align or differ. In a field where we are ethically bound to not cause harm – shouldn’t this ideal be applicable among industry or field colleagues as well?

Arranging the Titanic’s Deckchairs 

Attempting to write a blog to clear up misinformation is a lot like attempting to arrange the Titanic’s deckchairs. There are so many opinions, biases, and theoretical models in the so-called addiction recovery community. The Internet is over-saturated with countless counseling and coaching programs all designed – and reported to be the best – for men who have injured their partner with their sexual treason and targeted relational abuse©. Center for Peace is just one of those options. Our goal is to help those who choose our program receive help in the very best way possible, honoring their agency and dignity as human beings.

For More Information about the Year-long Program

If you are interested in learning more about Center for Peace and our year-long program dedicated to correcting abuse and restoring the dignity your abusive behavior took from your wife, schedule a discovery call.

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