“Targeted Partner Abuse©”

Acting Against the Agency and Freedoms of The Targeted Victim 

Experts in the field of Coercive Control refer to this behavior targeted on women by men as a crime against the freedoms of those women (Stark, 2007). 

The patterns of abuse targeted on the wife trespass upon rights and freedoms that all human beings expect to exist in a marriage relationship. “Targeted Partner Abuse©” and coercive control violate human dignity and reduce the victims to sub-stationed positions in what is believed to be a mutual and reciprocal relationship.

Addressing the Targeting Behaviors

Many of the behaviors of men in this population can be categorized into patterns that resemble three types of actions; entrapment, autonomy loss and psychological control. Let’s look at these individually.

Entrapment Acts

Coercive control begins subtly, almost imperceptibly. Most women might even agree that in the early part of the relationship, their husband mirrored their interests, flattered them with kindness, attention, pro-social attributes or even gifts that were difficult to see as deceptive and manipulative. This behavior by men, in the early targeting and entrapment phase is coercive kindness. It appears to be genuine, meaning men know exactly what they are doing and what outcome they are looking for, but is a form of manipulative entrapment.

In time, the patterns of entrapment escalate into social, financial or other areas of the shared partnership. These entrapment patterns lead to isolation and a reduction of the victim’s autonomous voice as well as a voice in her marriage.  

Over the years, many of my clients report feeling trapped or stuck due to this type of coercive entrapment. This state of being is the direct result of being acted upon by targeted coercive control. It results in a loss of personal liberty that would result in any human being feeling distressed when their economic or social circumstances are under the control of another human being – particularly the one who entrapped them in promises of love and care but instead delivered a manacle lure by deceptive means.

Entrapment can exacerbate when it includes the social colluders who have become aligned with the perpetrator, further isolating, ignoring and minimizing the effects of the abuse on the victim.

When a wife is unable to exercise mutual and reciprocal acts with her marriage partner, her agency diminishes over time. Her responses to the abuse will be connected to safety decisions — especially if there are children in the home. These safety-seeking measures are often referred to as ‘walking on eggshells’ due to the fear associated with upsetting the perpetrating husband.

The caution here is that the perpetration of this type of behavior can escalate to dangerous, and even deadly points for some women. It is important to be aware of the ways in which the entrapment is becoming more severe. Speaking with a trained abuse specialists for support, is the best way to help you process the experience, set healthy boundaries, and move toward safety.

Autonomy Loss

The condition of autonomy loss is a situation-specific type event, occurring over time, in male-female dyads where one exercising coercive control has significant power and influence over the actions, agency, resources, and whereabouts of his targeted victim. This is typically the husband in these situations. He will position himself to be the ‘provider’ who earns and manages the family resources. Often, in this situations, the wife and children are isolated, away from a support system where he cannot be discovered as his actions escalate.

At Center for Peace, we hold that like the idea of safety, where there has been no direct physical contact by the perpetrator to the victim, this issue of autonomy loss is often scoffed at due to the societal mind-blindness of the hegemonic structure of an abusive male-female intimate dyad. In this social interaction, there is no parity, equality or safety for the female victim. The man in this condition has more power and ability to deprive the female victim. The power and control that is executed by the perpetrating husband, shuts down rights and liberties of the victim wife.

Autonomy is losed over-time and in situation-specific events, such as not being able to shop without his permission; not being able to purchase things for the children without his permission; not having a job outside the home; not having accounts in her name, etc. These types of scenarios are as pervasive and varied as are the men who execute them. The point of this is create a dependency on the perpetrator and reduce the victim’s ability to seek outside help.

Psychological Trauma

The more common condition victims of coercive control experience is the psychological trauma perpetrated against them. This topic is a whole post of its own. For today’s purposes, we’ll address the outcomes of psychological coercive control. 

This form of abuse is intentional and calculated in nature. Most men would refute any participation in this behavior in an effort to keep hidden the abuse against his wife. Secret or hidden abuse (coercive control) can be very difficult to prove, though there are a myriad of ways of execution.

The most pervasive component of the condition is that it wears down the victim being targeted. Interactions become painfully traumatic. There is a loss of reality due to the bullying narrative of perpetrators. A victim’s voice is lost, removing her ability to navigate life, marriage, home, children, a job, finances, church, etc. The circle of entrapment to autonomy loss to psychological decline is complete.

The 30-Foot View

While we have taken just a quick peak from the 30-foot view of coercive control, it is important to note that this behavior has a spectrum of severity and can be difficult to illuminate to one-self or to others due to the nefarious and secretive way these men behave.

In addition, there has become a type of social acceptance of these actions. The collusion of improperly trained mental health provides, legal advisors, and clergy create a societal foundation for this epidemic to flourish without appropriate help for victims and accountability for perpetrators.

The Bottom Line

Coercive control (“Targeted Partner Abuse©), or Intimate Partner Abuse (IPA) is a crime of control, perpetrated by the male figure in a male-female dyad. He is the one who holds the power. His execution of this power and control can be covert or overt and can exacerbate to a very dangerous level. These behaviors violate the agency of the victim, causing extreme distress and pain in what should be a treasured relationship.

The combination of entrapments, autonomy loss and psychological trauma create the perfect storm for whittling down the strength and soul of a human being, to the point that she is ultimately dependent on the perpetrator for her well-being.

Children become ensnared in these traps to their detriment as well. Fathers who exercise coercive control over the mother do so in a manner that can fracture the relationship between mom and children, positioning the children in a place where there is misplaced trust in the unsafe parent.

What Center for Peace Offers

At Center for Peace, we teach victims and perpetrators how to navigate these treacherous conditions that are soul destroying. We offer support for victims, in a safe and understanding setting so that they can learn to navigate the psychological and emotional abuse perpetrated upon them. We offer them tools and resources to help outline a plan for safety, to secure for themselves their own agentic story and path forward.

For perpetrators of coercive control, your journey will be difficult due to the ability you may have to deny your responsibility for the harm you have caused. We can help you see the truth, the impact of abuse, and put a plan together to repair the human destruction you left in your wake.

If you are the victim of coercive control, looking for truth and support, please join our Support Groups

If you are the perpetrator of coercive control, wanting to correct the beliefs and behaviors that harm your wife, our year-long program for men is the answer

It is unfortunate that we live in a world where there are so many women and children in homes where coercive control is executed on them. It is our the mission of Center for Peace to help both men and women find peace and safety in their lives.