Do You Ever Think, ‘I Just Can’t’?

“Targeted Partner Abuse©” is a unique type of human interaction. It happens in private, behind closed doors. It is often so covert that even those who have access to some of the internal workings of the family or marriage relationships do not see the nuanced abuse. Abuse is like that.

In our social world we have so many terms, and excuses for the men who target abuse on their wife. One of the worst conditions women live with is the insufferable social blindness despite how prevalent this behavior is among men and how many marriages are destroyed by them.

In this post, let’s look at a few of the conditions of “Targeted Partner Abuse©” that we just can’t get our minds around.

Marriage as a Cover or Facade for Men

Starting with the big one, why even get married if the basic rules of  marriage aren’t going to be kept? Whether these betraying men have had fidelity expectation conversations with their wives prior to marriage or not, we all know fidelity is a baseline. 

We should not have to explain to men that if you are planning to be unfaithful – to any degree, including pornography – women are going to nope-out to that nonsense. 

If they get caught, or their wife has left because of their poor behavior choices, men make it worse with the blaming and the lack of accountability. Or they just can’t understand why their wife is upset with them.

I just can’t!

Running her Down While also Being a Predator

Those of you who are in a committed relationship while also doing porn, visiting strip clubs, flirting with the women in the office or at the coffee shop, maybe even calling up a stripper or two — the list goes on here. It isn’t limited to these behaviors anymore. The degree of infidelity permission giving behavior has run amok in society. Men are cool with it.

Too many men know their married male friends are unfaithful, yet they do not seem to feel they have a stewardship to that friendship to help that friend see the error of his ways. It’s like there is a secret, silent agreement between one another to just look the other way while you all blow up the lives of the wives and children associated with these betraying men. 

Then, to  make matters worse, you get on board with this unfaithful, cheating, abusive man’s rant of why he is a betrayer. His egregious, deceptive narrative blames his wife. We’ve heard all the excuses, “She’s not available.”  “She’s so angry all the time.” “She’s not as ___(fill in the blank)___.”  Whatever the story, it is never one of honesty and accountability. There’s always way too much, “I would not have cheated if my wife was_____.”  

Running down women to make your behaviors seem to not be so bad, while preying on women in various ways — is a sad reflection of the character of men.

Seriously, I just can’t!

Gaslighting, Blame-shifting, Context Erasure…the List Goes on!

Speaking of running down women, the cumulative effect of gaslighting someone’s lived experience with your abuse; the seemingly constant attacks of blame-shifting responsibility and projection of your deeds onto your wife coupled with the context erasure, both in private and public of what you really did, does not change truth. 

The unfortunate reality that is not being faced is that this behavior is not unique to a small group of men. In fact way too many of you are doing nearly the exact same thing. There is a pattern that is global in presentation. This isn’t a feminine uprising – though it should be (and might be in some circles) — speaking out against men because of our so-called man hate. It is evidence that this practice of men powering over women, abusing them all while attempting to silence them when they speak up – is not working, Gentlemen.

There are too many of us experiencing the same or similar types of interactions with our husbands and life partners for this to be just a few angry, bitter women – as we tend to be presented to the world. 

You can put every ounce of effort into erasing the context of our lived experiences, but you will not change our minds about what you did, about how it felt to us, or what it meant.

We can’t!

Hiding in Plain Sight

The global pandemic of “Targeted Partner Abuse©” is at an all time high. It presents in every socio-economic condition on the planet. It presents in every religious and cultural tradition. It is no respecter of age. Men of all walks of life are treating women and many of them their children as well, in the most abominable manner — for what? A perceived sense of power? Seriously?

Women young and old share their stories of this incredible human crime. It is insulting to our dignity. 
If truth be told, it should be viewed as THE thing that emasculates men. This behavior absolutely will deprive a man of his male role identity – unless that role is to be a predator of women and children’s safety and peace.

If that is the case – WE WON’T!!

The Society for Dignity!

For those of you who feel the same, the Society for Dignity is the place you might want to belong. This is a membership-based community for those who are ready to move from pain into peace. This is a community for those searching for something deeper. It is a community for strengthening the ground where we stand in solidarity and dignity. 

Join us at The Society for Dignity